I was doin’ a little thunkin’ this morning when I had a revelation: male pattern baldness is secretly a plot by our wives and girlfriends.
See, in order to keep us from straying too far, our wives and girlfriends secretly pluck hairs from our head at night while we sleep. Slowly over time we begin to think we’re going bald and everyone knows a chrome dome is NOT sexy. If it were sexy why is it they can only name Patrick Stewart as being bald and sexy? I mean hey, you think Mr. Clean is getting any?
So when you wake up in the morning look on your pillow. Is there a stray hair? Does she keep tweezers in the house? Do any hairs get caught in the drain as you shower? Think mightily on these things and remember my words.
In Addendum: My wife has informed me that, after reading this post, I can look forward to not be “getting any” for a long, long while. Tell the grandparents not to expect a little one anytime soon. ;^>