This is bad. This is REAL bad. There’s no coffee in the house. Not a drop. I’ve went from room to room searching. There’s none in the cupboard. There’s none in the closet. There’s none on top of the refrigerator. There’s none under the dog. There’s none between the cushions of the couch where everything else in the world is (more on the black hole theory later). Oh the tragedy! Oh the horror! How can life go on like this? Why? How could you do such an evil thing to us oh cruel hand of fate? Is there no goodness left in this world?