I think all the biblical scholars got it wrong. On the first day God, the Big Guy as I like to call him, made the sun and the planets and stuff and he was tired. Next morning, there was one since he made a sun and planets remember, he was draggin’ some major ass, so he sits down and says, “GOD, that’s what he calls himself, we’re draggin’ some major ass this morning. Lets make something good to drink in the morning that tastes good and will wake our sorry ass up.”
So the Big Guy created the coffee plant and it gave for berries which he dried into beans and ground into a fine powder. He sent Michael, the Angel Dude not the old dude from ‘Streets of San Francisco’, down to get some of the fresh clean water. God made a pot of metal and put the coffee and water in it then held it over the sun until it was boiling. The Big Guy parted the coffee and scooped out the grounds throwing them beyond Pluto (now called the Oort Cloud). Lo’ and there was coffee, and it was good.
In our next installment see how Satan decides he wants some of God’s coffee and is banished to Hell…
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