It’s organic…

Here in California we have organic everything. We have organic fruits, organic vegetables. We have organic meat, organic fish, organic water, organic sunblock to keep you from getting inorganically suntanned. While wandering through the local supermarket I came across some organic chocolate milk. Mmmm….chocolate. One shelf lower was the normal chocolate milk we purchase but it lacked something, a cool, old timey (is that a word) glass container.


“What the hell,” I figured. I opened the freezer and loaded the cool glass bottle of stuff into the cart. I couldn’t wait to get home and have a nice, frosty cold glass of chocoalte milk.


I think my first warning sign should have been the fact that the chocolate had formed a layer along the bottom of the bottle and refused to mix no matter how hard I tried. It just seemed to know that it was wrong to mix with that organic stuff and didn’t want to do it.


After arriving home I tried and tried to get the chocolate and milk to mix. No dice. Just a brown lump of goo sitting at the bottom of some lighter brown liquid in my cool glass bottle. “Maybe it’s just too cold”, I thought and placed the bottle upside down (to speed the mixing process) on the counter to warm for a while.


I guess my second warning sign should have been coming back 2 hours later and finding the chocolate still stuck to the bottom of the bottle in a brown lump of goo somewhat reminiscent of the Exxon Valdez spill.


I opened the bottle and dumped a little of the milk out to make room for some air to help the mixing process along. Replacing the cap I began to shake vigorously. The milk was still fairly cold. With vigorous shaking for about 5 minutes I finally got the milk and chocolate to mix, albeit stubbornly.


I poured myself a small cup savoring the moment. “This is gonna be good,” I though. “If normal milk has all those proteins, additives and other stuff this oughta taste like organic heaven.” I took a sip.


It’s hard to put into words exactly what went through my mind. Organic milk, organic cocoa, organic sugar, organic vitamin a combined to make organic chocolate milk that tastes suspiciously like….like….


Dirt.


Dirt.


Well, I guess that’s about as organic as you can get. As the old saying goes, “God made dirt so dirt don’t hurt.” But does it have to taste like dirt? Maybe if I added some Nestle Quik to it….